I have stared at this blank page for over a year. I have had so much to say and no ability to say it. I could not be vulnerable because my vulnerability had been taken advantage of. So I stayed quiet and watched from the background. And this past week, I have had a shit ton to say. And not I am not saying it because I am trying to be really good with the words and not really angry with them. But anger is okay, as long as it is not hatred. Anger is necessary to motivate action. So is fear. So i am grieving and scared and angry and have lost a lot of trust and I want to fight and be proactive and be assertive and surround myself with like minded people and think of next steps. I want every place I go and every person I see, and drive by, and wait in line behind to know that I am a fighter for equality and an advocate for marginalized.
I have written so many blogs in my head. I have had so many reactions and thoughts and words I want to put down, but there is someone out there already saying it. And I love those people. But I realize I also need to say my words. Maybe not for you, but for me. And then I don’t know where to start, because there is so very much. But I will start somewhere. And today I will start with a pin.
I was gifted this at the Hilary rally the day before the election. I took the day off and stood in line at Grand Valley State University on a picture perfect day. I felt such a part of a community. Strangers who immediately became friends. And this pin made me proud. It gave me courage. I tucked it in my pocket at the polls and felt the power of this message as I filled in my circle on the ballot for Hilary Clinton. As a democrat, as a woman, as a uniter, as a person who stands for equality. And then I went to bed at 9:30 on election night because the unthinkable never occurred to me. And when I woke up at midnight… well maybe thats another story for another day.
So fast forward to Saturday. 4 days post election. 4 days of many other stories for other days. And I put my button on my coat and went to the grocery store. And to yoga. And out for dinner. And what I found was my reaction to this button was completely different. I looked down and I no longer saw this button as a statement of defiance. I looked down and thought: “I am now officially a nasty woman”. I thought: “It’s not a joke anymore”. I thought: “The man who called his opponent a ‘nasty women’ will be our president”. I thought: “It is acceptable to call another human being a ‘Nasty Woman'”.
And I took my pin off. Now don’t get me wrong, I am going to get some Sh*t done. That is not at all the issue. But there is no more joking around about being a “nasty woman”. Because it is not okay. And as I type that I think that will be the name of my yet to be written blog post series. “It is not okay: Nasty Woman”. (You saw this title first, but when I wrote the blog, I had no title.)
I am a Strong Woman. I am a Brave Woman. I am a Fighting Woman. I am a Hard Working Woman. I am a Loving Woman. I am an Inclusive Woman. I am a Safe Woman. I am a Woman who will not quiet my voice. And if that makes me nasty to some, then game on.