call me (Dr.) maybe

I decided on a major life change. It was something I never wanted to do, never thought I would do and even when I considered it for a second it made me anxious. Then I started talking myself out of it. Lots of excuses… cause somewhere deep inside of me I wanted it, but was too afraid to fail. Too afraid to try. Then something happened. A regular day and a chance meeting with a stranger and in 2 seconds I was convinced.
I have decided to pursue my PhD. I want to teach. I want to make an impact at a new level. I want to write and research and be called Dr. Fabulous. All the fear are gone. All the anxiety is gone. It just feels right.
It is going to be 5 years of a LOT of work. Even applying will take me the next 9 months. I will have to take the GRE’s (this is actually the one thing that makes me a bit nervous because I suck at standardized tests and I was looking on a web site that talked about the GRE and math and it mentioned something about integers and I don’t know what those are and I totally flipped out, but then I buried it deep and figured I’ll never know it so I will just have to be a good guesser).
I may not get in. If I get in I many not be able to afford it. I can’t afford my life right now. I am still paying back my college. I may have to spend weekends in Chicago or Detroit so I can work full time. But none of this phases me. I am 38 years old. If I start when I am 40 I will be done at 45 and still have at least 20 years of my career left.
I will show my kids that anything is possible. I will do more than just spending my evenings watching mindless t.v. shows every night. Maybe I will work at a University that will help pay for my kid’s college education… Most importantly, I think I will be able to wear jeans to work. Finally.


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