mindfulness = mindlessness

My first exercise in mindfulness started last night as I was falling asleep. I focused on breathing in and breathing in and tried to clear my mind. This is what followed…

“My brain is not quiet. My brain is just constantly moving… like remember back in the 80’s when there was that drug commercial they show an egg and a frying pan. The camera zooms in on the egg and you hear:
‘this is your brain’ and then the egg is cracked into the frying pan and starts to sizzle and you hear ‘this is your brain on drugs’ and after a few seconds of watching…’any questions?’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub_a2t0ZfTs)
“Yes, this could be my brain always sizzling, cracked open, but do you remember later on a new and improved version of this commercial come out about heroin? The egg was cracked by the frying pan and this woman goes totally ballistic and starts slamming the frying pan all over the kitchen breaking everything in sight” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyXFN4ocN_o)
“If I remember correctly, Nancy Reagan had something to do with these commercials. The anti-drug campaign of her first lady days… You know what is funny though? I could not have bought drugs if I tried. I had no idea where to get them. I never saw them, I was never with people doing them, I did not know what they looked like or smelled like. In fact I probably was surrounded by them all the time, but was just too clueless to even know.”

“Now that I think about it, my brain is not like a sizzling egg. It is too passive it feels a lot more bouncy or fizzy… a room full of bouncy balls? A mentos in a bottle of coke… no neither are right. I know, it is like the Tea Cup ride at Disney world. First you have the big circle that spins in one direction. Inside that circle are 4 smaller circles that hold 4 tea cups and these spin in another directions and a bit faster than the big circle. And finally you have the tea cup itself that you can spin in any direction you choose as fast as you want. THAT is my brain, spinning in different speeds in different directions, only partially in my control.”
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“Wait… I am supposed to be being mindful. I don’t think that was mindful. Is that my phone beeping? I have a text. And 34 messages on group me! Geesh, a few minutes of failed mindfulness and I have a lot of catching up to do!”

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