A day of emotion. After a week of mundane. I wonder if that is why the emotion is so high, cause I did not need to use it all week. As a social worker, and a social worker that sees a lot of “bad, sad, scary” things everyday, I am pretty good at compartmentalizing my emotion. I am good at turning anger into advocacy. I can find the speck of joy in ugliness and make hard choice for the greater good. I can be the strong person when I need to be.
But there are some days when all my practiced skills are worthless. And I am ok with that, because sometimes, I just need to sit with the ugliness of it all. And when I finally let the emotion settle in, things get real.
And whatever triggered this emotional break, whether big or small, the flood gates of repression open up and I end up questioning all that is wrong with the world. Because lets face it, there is a lot wrong with this world. Kids are hurt. People don’t help them. Kids that get hurt and are not helped, grow up to be parents that hurt their kids.
People get sick. Really horribly violently sick. Orphaned children laying alone in a hospital with no one, maybe a doctor 1x a day, but not a parent or a caregiver or a friend. And they are covered with blisters because their insides are boiling and their skin is falling off and their eyes are swollen and scabbed shut. (Watch Blood Brother on Netflix)
And bombs drop on people’s homes because of 1,000 reasons, none of them that are right or make any kind of sense. And people starve and drown and are assaulted and live in horrific poverty and all of these people, who are poor and marginalized and disrespected are a part of a cycle that is ignored because they have no power. And we know that the people who have power are the people who make decisions and set the norm.
And when the people with the power, define what is normal and acceptable, then the 90% of the people in the world who do not have power are doomed to fail. It makes me sick.
I am very guilty of judgment . I am very guilty about abusing my power. I am very guilty of NOT practicing what I preach. But I will NEVER give up believing the world can be changed for the better. My coworker told me today that someone told her “I can tell you are still new in the field because you still think you can change the world”. I have been in the field for 18 years. And the day I stop believing I can change the world is the day I stop being a social worker. And shame on that social worker who said that. Because if you don’t believe you can do something to change something in the world, then what is the point of it all?
Idealism, optimism, vulnerability, faith, hope, joy….this is what we need. This is what I cling to and will always treasure. I would rather believe in good and be disappointed than expect the worse.
I could go on and on, but I will leave you with these quotes that keep running through my mind today…
“The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world” ~Dr. Paul Farmer
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” ~Desmond Tutu