Inside Sarah’s Mind on a Hike

There are many titles I could have for this blog. For example:

“I am not a hiker” because, although I love to look like a hiker, and take nice strolls through wooded IMG_5189areas, I am NOT a hiker.

“Hardest think I ever did” because I have given birth (once without drugs) I have hiked all over Michigan including Isle Royal and hiked a lot in Colorado. I have gone to grad school and sat in a plane for 17 hours and spoken in front of 100’s of people and survived a handful of full blown panic attacks.

“My husband is crazy for thinking we could do this” But when I comes down to it, we did it. So I guess he is not that crazy. But I should say at one point Hanna slipped and in a second was falling over a 10 foot cliff and he caught her by her backpack as she dangled over the side.

So I am settling on “Inside Sarah’s mind on a hike”

Be warned: there is bad language and I may offend some Creationists.

6 months pre vacation: I am really glad Josh put our names in for that back country hike. That should be super cool

2 weeks pre vacation: I should buy one of those running skirts, I would look awesome hiking in that

1 week pre trip: Maybe I should try to walk a few miles to get in shape for this vacation

Morning of back country 7 mile hike to subway: I am so excited! This is going to be amazing. Every hike here is filled with people and we will be one of only a few people on this hike.

IMG_5230Hike: Wow, this is beautiful, it sure is slippery going down these dusty canyon switchbacks. It will be easier going up. We will be tired, but won’t have to focus so hard on not slipping. Crap! I just slid, my cute skirt is still clean though so that is good. Wow, we get to hike along this river, it is stunning! Just listening to those river sounds looking around at these cliffs and the vegetation. I.love.hiking. I am really going to be a hiker. We need to do this more often! Oh my gosh! We are crossing a river on little stepping stones… I need pictures of this, it is so idyllic! I can’t wait for our hiking trip in August to Pictured Rocks.

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Shit! Did I seriously just hit my head on a branch? It ripped my hat off my head. Son of a B#$% did that hurt. Geesh, I might cry. F&^* I hit my head again! What the H is the matter with this trail. Why am I crying? I can not freaking stop crying! I hate this, I hate it so much. I absolutely hate hiking. My ankle keeps twisting, I keep slipping and… D$%^ it all I just smashed my head again! I can’t remember the last time I cried this hard. My kids are just skipping along happy. If they were acting like this I would be so mad at them. I am going to change my attitude. I should pretend I am on a t.v. show, or in another country on some adventure. I would not be crying I would be full of adventurous spirit. Deep breath. Go apologize to the kids and Josh.
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Are we even on a trail? How in the world do we know this is the right direction? Should we be scaling rocks like this? I better sit down and slide down this rock. Wait, we are going up again? Do you think that tree root will hold me if I pull myself up on it. This is insane. I can’t believe I am doing this. I AM DOING THIS!
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Did I forget my deodorant? Yup.

Those are seriously dinosaur footprints! How freaking cool is that. Dinosaur freaking footprints! How many people have ever seen this. I cannot even believe I am looking at this. 145 million years ago. Between the history of the rocks and the fossils of dinosaurs I am 100 % in agreement that the world has been here for 100’s of million years.
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Why is Josh ankle deep in water? How are these kids not crabby? Why am I the only one who has had a temper tantrum… wait, look at that waterfall! That is so freaking amazing. This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
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IMG_0570Ok, if the Subway is not around this corner we are turning around. Well, one more corner. It has to be around the next corner… OMG, that is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! I cannot believe this! I don’t even care that my shoes and socks are wet. I am eating lunch in one of the most beautiful places ever and NO ONE else is here! I am just going to lay back, listen to the river and let the sun soak into me.
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The way back isn’t so far, we won’t stop to take pictures. Just ration the water. How is Hanna already out of water! I will save mine. Man I am thirsty, my throat is burning. Just one sip. Shit, my water is gone too. All our water is gone. We must be close.

Are you kidding! We made it to the bottom of the mountain. We just need to go up those switch backs and we are in the parking lot. Best day ever. Best hike ever.

I might die. I can’t even think straight. I seriously think death is better than this last ¼ mile. I don’t know, I just don’t know. I have to stop. I can’t take another step. I think I might puke. I will just rest my head on this boulder a second. Sarah, if you don’t move you will never get to water. I can take 10 steps. O.k., 5 steps. I don’t know. I just don’t know. (repeat this paragraph for about an hour’s worth of thinking)

Water, just give me water. Woah, I drank that to fast, I might puke. Sit down, take off your shoes and just breath. Deep breath in, hold for 4 seconds, deep breath out. Think about the relaxation techniques Bettye Jo taught you.

I did that. I stinking did that! If I knew what I was getting into I would never have done that, but I. DID. THAT.
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For a professionals description of the trail click HERE. and scroll down to the “Detailed Description”

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