I am not a big birthday person. Not because I don’t like being a year older… certainly not because I don’t like the attention… but because, like any other holiday, it is just a date on the calendar that tells you what to celebrate. And that brings pressure. Oh, and don’t you think the mom should be getting the celebrating? She was the birth giver after all (Thanks Mom).
Valentines day for example. High pressure holiday. “What are you doing for valentines day? What did you get for a gift? How are you celebrating?” But what it comes down to is stress. A bunch of people crowded around the card section trying to find something last minute. Over priced flowers. Busy restaurants. All because someone said “today is the day you celebrate your love”. And what if you don’t have a valentine? Well, even worse. I just want to be loved the moment that person has love for me. I want the flowers when a person feels inspired in their own heart to give me flowers.
New Years Eve… same deal… the pressure of the midnight kiss. The pressure to stay up until midnight for crying out loud! The need to be at a party. High Pressure Holiday.
But back to birthdays. Regardless of if they are not a huge deal to me, there is inevitable reflections and goal setting. Like how in the world am I 37 years old? When my parents were 37 they were adults! My teachers who were 37? Also adults. In fact anyone who was 37 when I was under 25 were adults. They had it together and knew what they were doing when and why. I am 37 and watch the Vampire Diaries. I hit snooze 37 times every morning for goodness sakes!!!! Someone right now may see me as an adult. But I’m not, I am confused and I am immature and I can not balance my checkbook or make my kids dinner or keep my car clean.
I think we always feel 10 years younger than we really are and we always think people who are 10 years older is when you are really an adult or heaven forbid “old”. But never me.
I think I am already 37, but have so much left to do! Then I realize, I am 37 and have done so much! I still have 30 years to work, 10 years of kids being in my home, 12 years left of my mortgage. But I have not been to Patagonia, or Rio or Istanbul or Cape Town or Morocco or Great Britian or the West Coast. But I have been to Albania and Ukraine and China and Ethiopia and Ghana and Uganda, and NYC.
It seems to be I am always balancing on a life of what I have done and what I still have to do. And while those are great reflections, I often forget to just BE. Maybe this is the watch I need for my birthday…
But when all is said and done and I have celebrated and contemplated and eaten a double chocolate lava cupcake with peanut butter frosting dipped in chocolate, made by my husband, that is so far from vegan the butter alone makes up for all the butter I have not eaten in the last 2 years, I go back to what I always seem to struggle with. Making it all worthwhile. And today my inspiration comes from Pablo Picasso…