There are times in life when I feel incompetent. Incapable. Stupid. Math usually does this for me. People get to a solution so simply. They just figure it out. And I have no idea how they even began to figure this out. Parents always joke about not knowing how to do their children’s homework, but they do it. They sit down with their kids and figure it out. I don’t. I have no clue how to help my kids with their homework… Not even how to get them started. And this is not dramatic Sarah. It is just the plain truth.

And these moments make me angry. Like head exploding angry.

Because it is one thing to be confused, and another thing to really have to process something to understand, but I have these moments when I truly have NO idea what needs to be done next. How to understand a problem.

I remember Algebra III in 11th grade. A problem was put on the board (chalk board, I’m old) and my teacher called me up to solve it. I said I did not know how to and he made me come up anyway. Told me to try. I did not even know how to try. So there I stood, already a person with low self esteem and a desperation to fit in somehow, standing in front of a room of my peers with a piece of chalk in my hand staring at a problem that, to me, looked like this,

But tonight what got me was television. I started to watch the show Sherlock on BBC. I loved the characters. LOVE Benedict Cumberbatch. He is unbelievable in this show!

The show just makes me happy. The first season is 3 90 minute episodes. And I am totally facinated by how this guy solves crimes. But by the end of the season I realized I had no clue what was going on. Everything ended and I realized I was following the minor crime solving adventures on the show, but had totally missed the big picture. And the credits rolled and I just started at the computer screen confused. And my husband tried to explain it to me… a few times… and I am still confused. And then I am big bang mad again. I don’t know why he got it and I didn’t. It is just a bloody t.v. show! (see, my uses of British… clever huh). Yet it has somehow destroyed my self-esteem for a few hours. And guess what is just around the corner? School. Which means homework, which means math. Which means I better have some valium on stand by…


2 thoughts on “Sherlock

  1. I could not understand more. I never even passed Algebra I. I did make it in, but my teacher soon notified my advisor of how lost I was and they put me in geometry with the class below me. I was a junior in high school and mortally embarrassed, coming in halfway through the year. I remember sitting in that algebra class looking around the room at everyone else, trying to find another lost or confused face like mine, but everyone looked smart and busy. Have never understood math, never will, hate it, always will. Your post made me feel like I really wasn’t alone all that time! Thanks 😉

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