I live in my head, a life of ideals. But my reality, well, that is a different story.
Because I just spent three hours watching a teen drama on netflix after I told my kids to go out and play. They had already watched their 2 hours of t.v. today.
Because I recycle, until I am on vacation and there is no recycling bin so I just throw it away.
Because I despise negativity and bad attitudes, unless I have one.
Because I want to be important and famous and a huge contributor to mankind, but I sit on my butt. You see the verb in that sentence? “BE” not “become”. “Becoming implies action and action is a lot of work.
I want to live simply, after this next shopping trip.
I am a vegan, who could care less about animals, animals and their products make me fat. I am a vegan because I want to be thin, not because animal rights are important to me.
I want to be honest, but I keep secrets, because I am afraid. Or am I ashamed?
I want to be uniquely me, but I emulate others, so I will be accepted.
I want to be confident, but I am full of fear.
I want to write about the really hard things, the things that make me most afraid, and most vulnerable, but I am afraid of disappointing, of hurting, of being challenged.
I want to know the line and when it is ok to cross it and when it is time to sit quietly. I want to know when I am doing something for the right reasons and not just for the attention.
I want to go back to my high school math teacher and tell him I have NEVER, ever ever needed algebra in my entire adult life.
And I want to not end in humor to make the rest of the serious stuff seem less serious and hide behind my wittiness. But I do love when I am witty…