It sure was fun telling all, y’all about my weight loss a few years ago. I loved sharing my before and after pictures and all my great healthy food choices. I loved encouraging everyone from my place of success. I loved inspiring you and maybe even making you jealous. I love telling people I lost 60 pounds and have been a vegan for almost 2 years.
What I don’t love is telling you I am falling back on old habits. I have started finding excuses to eat more than I need. I have started finding excuses to eat candy and pizza and a root beer float from Wendy’s with a side of fries. I even went through McDonalds and ordered a large diet coke. Tonight for dinner, I had half of a deep dish pizza. With cheese. And crust so greasy it was soggy. I ate it so fast I did not even taste it. I ignored my brain telling me to think about it. I just shoved it in.
The excuse I made a few months ago to have one meal of pizza… and then the next excuse was easier. And then I was back to “I will start again tomorrow”. Now I have tight waist bands and stretched out t-shirts. My double chin is becoming obvious again.
I don’t want to gain weight again. I don’t want to go back to over eating and eating unhealthy. But I love pizza, and pop and ice cream and candy. I love baked goods. I know I will always struggle with this. I know I will never be able to trust myself to eat not so good food “in moderation”. I look at skinny people who eat whatever they want and am jealous. Cause that what it comes down to, I want to be skinny. I like being healthy, I think it is better for me. I really enjoy the vegan food it eat. It truly is amazing. But it is not “binge food” That is what donuts and cookies and ice cream are for. As good as my “Detox salad” is, there is no temptation to eat it until I am beyond stuffed. It does not give me that amazing feeling of fullness you can only get from eating a deep dish pizza and diet coke.
I know, it is emotional eating, it is bored eating, it is “it is just easier to get fast food than to chop veggies for 45 minutes to make a fancy salad” eating. It is instant gratification. It is the story of my life.
So, I am struggling and I feel it is only fair to let you in on it, because I really can’t stand people who appear to be perfect on line.