I am not a middle ground girl. I tend to be a little on the manic side, or a little on the depressive side of the emotional spectrum. Rarely, if ever, am I middle ground. When I am happy, I am excited, joyful, unstoppable.. I dream, I plan, I research, I talk. For example, I find about 25 recipes that I know I can make and put them all in a convenient place so once I am done making my list I can start making my meals. Never made one of them. Follow through? That is more of a middle ground place and like I said, I am rarely there. And then there is depressive Sarah. She is hanging around right now. This is when I wonder why I never acted on any of those great ideas I dreamed up, why I never followed through, wrote that article, created that presentation, got ahead on my class work, tackled all those things on my to do list. And that makes me even more down.
Today for example. I woke up and laid around. Josh asked me if I wanted to take a walk. Nope. I went to my parents and sat around… mindlessly pages through the adds of the Sunday paper. I watched everyone clean up… I nurtured my wine. Blah. Then a game was suggested. OF COURSE! I love games, that will get me out of my funk. Except it did not and I got angry because bananagrams is a stupid stupid game and I am able to spell about 2 words before the other 4 people use all their tiles and then I say a very bad word in front of my grandma and storm off. True Story.
I don’t want to do anything, but feel sorry for myself and blame the world for my problems. I pick fights, I feel sorry for myself, I wonder about every life choice I make. I watch 15 episodes of Hart of Dixie and decide my life would be better if I lived in a small town in Alabama and had a southern accent. I wonder why I am not famous or doing something fabulous… I determine it is because I am lazy and boring and a big faker that will soon get found out.
So there it all is faithful readers. I blame bananagrams. If we had played Rumikub, I would be really happy right now.