Cooking with Sarah

You have no idea, but this is the THIRD time I wrote this post.  Because why not have another thing go wrong tonight.  I destroyed $50 worth of food trying to cook.  I had a 7 year old, Abby style temper tantrum, plus used every combination of swear words in the book.

I failed.  I failed about 100 times tonight.  I am only writing this because when I started to blog about being a vegan, I said I was not a chef, and I am not.  I am the opposite of a chef.  I had good intentions tonight.  I was going to cook for our road trip, long weekend, Mammoth Cave adventure.  I was going to drive by every fast food place on the road while I was eating pumpkin bread and southwest quinoa salad.  that I made.

But what really happened was ugly.  I swore.  A lot.  I burned.  Everything.  I chopped, minced and sauteed and threw it all out.  I covered my face with burning hot pepper juice and burned and could not open my eyes.  I sat in my bathroom bawling asking my children to bring me a wet wash cloth to try to make the pain go away.  I apologized to them through my tears and they encouraged me which made me feel worse.

I want you to know that I am not being dramatic or exaggerating.  I was a tantruming, swearing, bawling mess.  I burnt $50 worth of food and I can not face the kitchen to clean up.  And you can bet I am not going to bake muffins or bread and I am certainly not going to try to make humus.

The thing that pissed me off and make the tears start flowing all over again, is that I really believed I could do it.  I messed up a lot in the hour I was cooking.  I don’t know how to mince, but I did what I could.  I don’t know what a saute pan is and when I did choose one it did not have the cover I was told to use to soften the veggies…

But despite this, I kept going.  I kept thinking that when it was over, I would have a super yummy salad and amazing bread and would inspire everyone I knew and no one could say “I can’t” because, I, Sarah Zuidema, the absolute worst and most fearful cook in the Northern Hemisphere, did it.  This very Sarah Zuidema, made one successful meal.

And even after about 10 major fails in one hour I was still going to keep on.  I had dirtied a half dozen dishes, I had copped and stirred and measured and sauteed.  But you know what was the straw that broke the camels back? I could not find the can opener.  I had to open 2 cans of black beans and I could not find the can opener.

I ran upstairs, called my husband, started crying, rubbed my tears away with my hot pepper oiled hands and then then the burning began.  My eyes could not open, the pain was incredible.  It is not 8:45.  I have to pack EVERYTHING (Josh works till 11 and we leave first thing in the morning.)  I have to clean up my disaster (which will be an hours worth of reminding me of my failure) then I have to pack my clothes, kid clothes, food, bathroom junk, camera, etc.

And all of this, this whole disaster of an evening, the money spent, was worthless.  I am worse of now that I was at 7:00 when I left the grocery store.  I am optimistic.  I believe in people.  I believe in myself.  I believe that the world can live in peace and that every child can have a family and that we can find cures to disease and give everyone access to clean water.  But I can not and will not ever believe that I will cook.  And please. PLEASE!!!!! Do NOT tell me that you can teach me.  Because you can’t and I won’t let you and I don’t CARE.

So there you have it readers.  REAL vegan cooking.  REAL SaZu who had an epic fail tonight.  And not only did I fail in cooking, I failed in attitude and patience and in being a good role model to my children and I failed in acting like an adult.  I even failed in washing my hands.

&%$#, *@#% and &^$$^&

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9 thoughts on “Cooking with Sarah

  1. Maybe I don’t want to be vegan…well secretly some day, when I don’t have pneumonia and have a small pocket of energy to consider it. The good news IS, once you are out your driveway tomorrow morning, you’re gonna have a BLAST at Mammoth cave- it’s what we did last spring break, and it is the perfect family road trip, not too far, and you get to see, what I think, is one of the wonders of the world. Lots of kitsch to buy and see. Be sure to stop at the Louisville Slugger museum on the way back, and maybe eat at Joes Crab on the Ohio River close to that…Hugs!

  2. Well, I thought I left a comment, but then it deleted…let me try again here..
    You KNOW I have to lead with the positive, all kitchen antics aside, Once your mini van is rolling out the driveway tomorrow you are gonna LOVE Mammoth Cave…we took the kids last spring break. The perfect get away- not to far of a drive, all sorts of kitsch to see and buy, and getting to experience the AWE of what I believe is one of the wonders of the world. It is truly incredible. Make sure to leave time to stop at the Louisville Slugger museum on the way home, and maybe eat at the Joes Crab Shack on the Ohio River (over priced, mediocre food, but the setting is FANTASTIC) Have a beautiful glass of wine, and cheers to the woman who knows what really matters. Love, Sara BD

  3. I’m sorry. That really stinks. Yuck. Sad face. Been there (although pretty sure my epic fail was outside). Hope you feel better tomorrow.

  4. Wow…that was a hard trip. I hope your trip makes up for it – at least some. Sarah, you have many talents – you don’t have to be great at everything!

  5. Oh Sarah! I love how real you are! It is hard taking a road trip when you’re vegan, or even vegetarian. I spent my past two weekends on the road, my purse stocked with vegan fruit & nut bars and bananas. While you’re driving, look for places like Panera Bread, Jimmie Johns, Subway, etc. I’ve found those to offer the best selections I can work with. Have a great trip! 🙂

  6. You don’t have to cook cause your husband is a great cook. But I love you for trying and I love you for always being so honest and real and I love you for all the other wonderful things that you can do. But most of all, I just love you because you are you. Hope you had a great time at the cave. I went in one too – the one where Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher got lost :). We will have to share stories when I get back. Have a good rest of the week.

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