I have become a little narcissistic the past few months. Granted losing 50 pounds does give me an unusual amount of attention, but it may be getting to my head a bit. The other day, I caught my reflection in the corner of the mirror and did a double take, then I smiled at myself and looked away, only to quickly look back and admit to myself, I liked what I saw! So regardless of a little “puffing of my chest” I feel like a have a fairly positive self image.
I like how I look, how I feel and getting compliments. I am proud of my educational and professional accomplishments. I have a great husband, beautiful children and a great group of friends. It is easy to say “I am happy” or “I love my life”, but lately, I find myself thinking “I like myself“.
It feels very arrogant to say that, which is why I feel a little weird admiring myself in the mirror (“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all…?”) Is it some sort of guilt that the world puts on us that says we can’t like who we are? I am not sure where it comes from, but it kept me from even writing this post for months…
But I decided to because for the past few months all I seem to hear from people around me is…
“I am so fat!”
“I can’t do that!”
“I am gross!”
“I can’t believe people put up with me!”
And there are a lot of variations of these phrases…
So why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we believe we “Can’t do it”?
Because we can… I got C’s and D’s in high school, I even got lots of C’s and D’s in college. My high school English teacher told me I was a bad writer (I’d like to show her a thing or two about writing!) Now I have a Master’s Degree.
I was tall, gawky, pimply and basically lacking in all fashion. I was called a “nerd” on a daily basis. I was a disaster at every sport I tried. I spent most Friday and Saturday nights home. I kept my head down, never talked and did not know how to meet new people or mingle in social situations. Now, I have my pimples under control, have a little better fashion sense (at least my own style I am happy with) and have confidence in my height. I LOVE spending my weekends at home, but have lots of fun options as well. I ran two 5k’s, and hiked many miles with 20 pounds on my back.
I have traveled the world!
So it may sound like bragging, but I write this to tell you that the painfully shy, dumb, nerdy 6th grader never, EVER would have believed her life would turn out like this. I write this to tell you that 6 months ago I had just resigned to being fat and unhealthy.
I also write this to tell you that I will never stop changing. I will have new goals, new dreams, new lands to discover. I may have more weight to lose or aerobic activity to embrace. I may have languages to learn and degrees to earn. Who knows what is in store, but I really love what Jai Josefs said
“I love myself the way I am and still I want to grow”