Don’t even ask me why I am sitting on my deck at Midnight on a “school night”, but I am. And I am reflecting on the fact that I am head over heels IN LOVE with my life. Picture this faithful readers. I am sitting on my deck with hops growing over me in my pergola, a lovely flowering vine climbing the deck posts and “christmas” lights hanging over me. The stars are bright in the sky and connecting me to all the people I know and love all over the world.
I do not think that a year ago, I would be able to have this perspective. A year ago I was really struggling with my life. I felt a bit suffocated with all the responsibility. I felt guilty for what I have compared to what many others do not. I felt helpless as a middle class, mid western, middle management in this world.
I felt like to make a difference, I had to live in a tin shack on the other side of the world. I needed to not be white or privileged. I felt I was living an American stereotype that someone else planned out for me and I just followed along.
But something changed along the way. Something made me fall hard and embrace the life I have. Tonight I got to ride in the car for 30 minutes with Miss Chatty Abby, who talked about banana bread the entire time.
I got to bring Johanna to Camp Geneva where she gets to spend the next few days with her friends swimming, playing, learning… And I got to spend the car ride with her talking about all the different ways we feel nervous in our bodies (her feet get tingly : )
I get to spend weekends with family and nights in my driveway with friends. I get to go to the beach, and eat cake in the break room with co-workers and get cards from my clients that make me cry out of happiness.
For some reason the mundane is now a treasure. The ordinary warms my heart. I know we all go through phases in our life. There are times we hurt and question and ache. There are times we are content and times we yearn. But right now, my heart is full. My love is deep, my laughter is genuine.
I think it goes back to the simple phrase that I got on a card the other day “I am because you are.” I have finally realized that I am not just plain old Sarah, but I am made up of all the amazing people in my life and they make me amazing. No matter where they are or how often I see them, they are intertwined forever in my heart and have made me better.
Goodnight faithful readers. I hope you fall head over heals as well.